Advice from research psychologist and MacArthur Foundation “genius” award winner Angela Duckworth in an article titled Grit Trumps Talent and IQ
“I believe kids should choose what they want to do, because it’s their life, but they have to choose something,” she says, “and they can’t quit in the middle unless there’s a really good reason.” There are going to be peaks and valleys. “You don’t want to let kids quit during a valley.”
Article from TIME magazine by Eric Barker titled How To Make Your Kids Smarter: 10 Steps Backed By Science
9) Peer Group Matters
So what does have an enormous affect on your children’s behavior? Their peer group.
We usually only talk about peer pressure when it’s a negative but more often than not, it’s a positive.
Living in a nice neighborhood, going to solid schools and making sure your children hang out with good kids can make a huge difference.
What’s the easiest way for a college student to improve their GPA? Pick a smart roommate.
- Music Lessons
- The Dumb Jock Is A Myth
- Don’t Read To Your Kids, Read With Them
- Sleep Deprivation Makes Kids Stupid
- IQ Isn’t Worth Much Without Self-Discipline
- Learning Is An Active Process
- Treats Can Be a Good Thing — At The Right Time
- Happy Kids = Successful Kids
- Peer Group Matters
- Believe In Them
From New York Times bestselling author Daniel Coyle’s Talent Code Blog …
For three decades, Miller and Brown made a habit of asking college-age athletes about the ways their parents had made a positive or negative impact. After several hundred interviews with a wide cross-section of kids, their informal survey had two insightful discoveries. Number one: what kids hate most, by an overwhelming margin, is the conversations during the ride home after the game. You know, that quiet, strained, slightly uncomfortable time when parents ask questions, give praise, offer critiques, and generally get involved by saying things like:
Great job today. So what happened on that play?
What did your coach tell the team after the game?
Do you think the team could have hustled more?
These types of moments, Miller and Brown point out, are well intentioned, and often contain truth, but the timing is toxic. The moments after a game are not the time for judgement or pressure and definitely not for instruction (which is the job of the coach, not the parent). In fact, many of the kids said they preferred having grandparents attend games, because they are more joyful and less pressurizing than parents.
But it’s not all bad news. Because there’s a second finding to emerge from their work, and it might be the best parenting tip I’ve ever read.
The kids reported there was one phrase spoken by parents that brought them happiness. One simple sentence that made them feel joyful, confident, and fulfilled. Just six words.
I love to watch you play.
From a wonderful article on parenting advice by Elliott Davis in the Boston Globe …
Debbie Leekeenan, Director, Eliot-Pearson Children’s School at Tufts University
“Allow your children the space to ‘fall’ so they can learn to get up. Teaching your child resiliency is one way to cope with life’s challenges. It is better to experience small setbacks when you are young and learn how to deal with them.”
Bob Monahan, Founder and owner, UPPAbaby
“Get on the floor with your kids. They’ll come over and climb on top of you and relax. The more you can get on their level, the less problems you’ll have.”
Chritine Koh, Founder and editor, BostonMamas.com; coauthor, Minimalist Parenting
“Present good, healthy options, but do not force-feed them. That translates to everything, including extracurriculars and other activities. It’s about giving your kids options and encouraging them to figure out what works for them.”
Alma Wahlberg, Works at son Paul’s Hingham restaurant, Alma Nove
“Pay attention to what your kids are doing. Be interested in everything they’re doing and be involved. Don’t just send them off to the game. Somebody’s got to go and watch.”
Jeff Kinney, Author of Diary of a Wimpy Kid series
“Use the phrase ‘I understand’ with your kids, especially when they’re angry or upset. I’ve found that by telling your kids that you’ve felt what they’re feeling — even if what they’re feeling is irrational — it lets them know you’re on their side.
From a post titled Ten Relationship Truths(We Often Forget) …
“We all have tried this at one time or another, or at the very least in our minds we’ve wanted too, but we can not change others. The only person who can change YOU is YOU and that is the same for the other people in our lives as well. No, all we can do is tell someone about whatever is bothering us about them and who knows maybe they’ll try to change. It may be an annoying habit that is holding them back in more than one of their relationships, it’s always worth talking about. We can even lead by example, but at the end of the day we can never change someone else.”
Advice from Dr Phil on DrPhil.com …
“They need somebody to step up and take it to another level. Not to be a right fighter, not to justify their behavior, but to say, This relationship needs a hero. I am going to rise above the fray, and I’m going to lead us out of this maze.”
From a post titled 60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again …
1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.