Raise kids who will ask for help when they need it

From an article titled The best advice of 2017 in Business Insider …

Researcher and bestselling author Brene Brown advises parents to accept that they’ll inevitably make mistakes — and their kids will, too.

On an episode of Lewis Howes’ podcast, “The School of Greatness,” she said the best thing you can do as a parent is teach your kids that it’s OK to ask for help. Ultimately, it’s about encouraging your kids to let themselves be vulnerable — something Brown takes a lot of bravery.

Adopt 5 Healthy Habits, Live 12 to 14 Years Longer

From an article in the NY Times, Adopt 5 Healthy Habits, Live 12 to 14 Years Longer

Five behaviors could extend life expectancy at 50 by more than a decade, even without the discovery of a single new drug or medical treatment.

The study, in Circulation, looked at five behaviors:

  • eating a healthy diet
  • not smoking
  • getting regular physical activity
  • moderate alcohol consumption
  • maintaining a normal weight

The scientists calculated that, on average, a 50-year-old man who adopted all of these would live 12 years longer than a man who took on none. A woman with the same five habits would live an average of 14 more years than a woman with none of them.

Confidence and courage are both skills. They are not traits and they are not fixed. Instead, just like any skill, they can be built through practice.

BEST ADVICE TO THEIR YOUNGER SELVES from Mel Robbins expert on Leadership & Defeating Doubt, Award-Winning CNN Commentator, and Bestselling Author of The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage.

Confidence and courage are both skills. They are not traits and they are not fixed. Instead, just like any skill, they can be built through practice. When I was younger, I struggled with self-doubt, a lack of confidence, and terrible anxiety. I didn’t realize that these things weren’t fixed. Once I understood that my level of confidence could be easily changed through daily acts of courage, my life really began to change. And that’s a second piece of advice to my younger self: take action, even if you’re afraid to fail/ When you fail, and you will, life has a funny way of working itself out.

“More than education, more than experience, more than training, a person’s level of resilience will determine who succeeds and who fails.

From an article in Harvard Business Review titled How Resilience Works

“More than education, more than experience, more than training, a person’s level of resilience will determine who succeeds and who fails. That’s true in the cancer ward, it’s true in the Olympics, and it’s true in the boardroom.”

“Why Quitting Is Sometimes the Right Thing to Do”

From an article titled The Lost Art of Quitting …

We’ve been taught that quitting means failure.  But we neglect to add the very important caveat to that statement, which is that there are two types of quitting:  Quitting things that matter, and quitting things that don’t.  Because we’ve had it so drilled into our minds that quitting is bad, we don’t tend to make that distinction, and instead, don’t quit anything.  We persevere through the things that matter, as well as the things that don’t.  And we use a hell of a lot of energy in the process, all in the name of fear of failure.  After all, we wouldn’t want to be a quitter, would we?  It’s almost like being called a vulgar profanity.

We persevere to save face.  We persevere to avoid looking like a failure.  We persevere to prove ourselves to others.  We persevere so we don’t feel like all the time we spent up until that point was a waste.

And all of those reasons are bullshit reasons that are centered around pride.

The only reason we should ever persevere is when it matters.  And when does it matter?  When it contributes to your big picture goals.  Anything else is a waste of your time, and not quitting is extremely counterproductive.  In that case, quitting is the most intelligent move you could make.  It’s acknowledging that–hey–I can’t do everything.

The best advice I’ve ever been given is to cut all the negative people out my life, it makes you feel so much happier and independent.

From an article by Ashley Fern titled The Types Of People You Need To Cut Out Of Your Life In Order To Be Happy

Nothing changes until we do; we cannot expect the situations around us to alter if our personal behaviors do not change. You must take responsibility for your demeanor and if it means distancing yourself from negative people, then so be it. You need to look out for yourself because when it comes down to it all, you only have yourself to blame for your failures and your triumphs.

These are the types of people you need to be wary of in life:

The Negative

If this person was ever happy or in a good mood, chances are he or she was severely intoxicated. Negative Nancy is that person who literally has the mentality of that angry old neighbor who complains 24/7. These people never bring anything positive into conversation or any social gathering. They constantly complain about every little thing, yet cannot propose any better, alternate plan.

The Judge

This is perhaps one of the worst kinds of people you could ever surround yourself with. Instead of being free and comfortable to act like the real you, you need to monitor your behavior, as this person is closely watching your every move. What kind of friend is this anyway if you cannot even be yourself around him or her? It is one thing to offer advice on certain behaviors, but it is quite another never to feel truly comfortable around your friend.

The Taker

This person will take, take and take while bringing absolutely nothing of value to the relationship. It takes two sides to have a great friendship, so if you think you are the one doing all of the work, it may be time to reevaluate your situation. It can be exhausting, frustrating and just downright hurtful if you are always the one making the effort, but as soon as you need something, this person is nowhere in sight.

The Manipulator

These people will do whatever they possibly can to get whatever they want out of any given situation. They have one priority in life and that is themselves. Actively try to disengage yourself from their manipulation, as failing to do so will only fuel their fire. As soon as you stop responding, the better off you will be.

The Unsupportive One

A good friend is someone who will support you in all of your endeavors even if he or she does not agree with you. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them so even if your venture does fail, you take that lesson with you into the future. Recognize where you went wrong and what you could’ve done to prevent such an error. The next time you try, at least you know which ways to alter your behavior. Don’t waste your time surrounded by people who don’t want to see you succeed or tear down your hopes and dreams whenever they have the opportunity.

It’s reckless, not virtuous, to blindly give people the benefit of the doubt.

From an article titled Benefit Of The Doubt (Dr. Phil)

“The world has changed, so the rules have to change right along with it…

There’s something we’ve been taught that just doesn’t hold anymore. What my parents taught me, what your parents taught you, just doesn’t work anymore; at least not like it once did… benefit of the doubt. We teach people that it’s a good thing to do, that it’s the Christian thing to do; it’s the positive thing to do to give our fellow man the benefit of the doubt. Why would you do that? Why would you give somebody you don’t know the benefit of the doubt? If we said “Ok, here’s what I want you to do… go out in your life and JUDGE everybody negatively” you’d go “I’m not going to do that”. Then WHY would you go out and judge them POSITIVELY?

How about we don’t do either?

How about we don’t give people the benefit of the doubt?

How about we just collect information and make an INFORMED decision in our lives instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt?”

If you have a great career and a bad marriage, you will be miserable. If you have a great marriage and a bad career you will be joyful.

This advice was taken from a graduation speech by David Brooks, journalist from the NY Times …

“You will confront this problem: Is this the person I want to marry?

This is the most important decision you will face in your life. If you have a great career and a bad marriage, you will be miserable. If you have a great marriage and a bad career you will be joyful.

I tell every college president I can that they should compel every student to major in marriage. Students should be compelled to take courses in the psychology of marriage, the literature of marriage, the neuroscience of marriage, the history of marriage.”

“brag about your spouse and let them overhear you”

New York Times columnist David Brooks chatting with Alec Baldwin on his show Here’s the Thing

“I am not smart on this but I did read a really good blog post on this. My wife would kill me if I started giving advice on how to do this. Marry someone really patient.

But I read this blog post and one of the pieces of advice was brag about your spouse and let them overhear you.”

“We Teach People How to Treat Us”

From Dr. Phil’s book Life Strategies

Own, rather than complain about, how people treat you. Learn to renegotiate your relationships to have what you want.

You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don’t. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others’ behavior when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.

“Get mad, then get over it.”

Attributed to Colin Powell (Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, US Secretary of State). Interesting post written by Bruno Gideon titled Get mad, then get over it

“Being angry is okay as long as it is temporary. My advice to you is: to get mad, then get over it. If you let your feelings continue, they will boomerang and hurt you. Don’t suppress the emotion; allow it to come to the surface, try to analyze it, and then let go.”

“Follow your fear … if something scares you a bit, it means that you should follow it a little bit

Tina Fey actress, comedian, writer and producer known for her roles on Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock …

“Follow your fear, which in improv usually leads to someone making you sing an improvised song or rap, which is the worst thing that can happen. But the larger thing is the notion that if something scares you a bit, it means that you should follow it a little bit. Now, ‘follow your fear’ does not mean that you should get in the car with a weirdo in a small parking lot. But it does mean that there are moments in your life when something comes up, a chance to move to a new city, or the chance to study in another continent, read your short story out loud, and you feel a lot of fear. And that fear means that you should definitely do it.”

“Whenever you meet anybody, look for something nice to say about them, because even if they’ve got a hideous face they might have fantastic ankles or lovely hair, and compliments do cheer people up enormously.”

Quote from author Jilly Cooper from a post titled The 101 best pieces of advice ever received

“Whenever you meet anybody, look for something nice to say about them, because even if they’ve got a hideous face they might have fantastic ankles or lovely hair, and compliments do cheer people up enormously.”

Toughness has nothing to do with size, physical strength or athleticism … I believe that toughness is a skill, and it is a skill that can be developed and improved.

From the book titled “Toughness” written by former Duke basketball player and ESPN Analyst Jay Bilas …

Toughness has nothing to do with size, physical strength or athleticism. Some players
may be born tough, but I believe that toughness is a skill, and it is a skill that can be developed and improved. Michigan State coach Tom Izzo always says, “Players play, but tough players win.”

“You can’t have everything you want, but you can have everything that matters to you”

Quote from Marissa Mayer, Google’s Vice President of Location and Local Services on Callie Schweitzer’s blog on Huffington Post …

“…she believes there’s no such thing as burnout — you can work really hard for the rest of your life as long as you know what matters most to you and make sure you get that.

What causes burnout, she said, is the build up of resentment at having to give up what really matters. Is it dinner with friends on Tuesday nights? A movie with your husband on the weekends?

Whatever it is, make sure you get it because otherwise you’ll spend the rest of the week resenting what you didn’t get to have — what work deprived you of, and you’ll be less productive.

“Be polite, don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.

From a post titled 60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.

“Contrary to popular belief, praising children’s intelligence did not give them confidence and did not make them learn better.”

The advice comes Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation at Stanford University from an article How Not to Talk to Your Kids written by Po Bronson and appeared in New York Magazine. 

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

The quote below are from Carol Dweck in an article that appeared on Good Morning America titled Why Praise Can Be Bad for Kids …

“Dweck found that children’s performance worsens if they always hear how smart they are. Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.”

“Have you created an environment that generates feelings of safety, security, belongingness, self-confidence and strength for the child or children in your charge?”

 Questions for parents from Dr Phil’s book Family First

  • Are you creating a family environment that brings out the best in your child?
  • Do you have the skills necessary to give your child his or her best chance at succeeding in this world?
  • Do you have a plan and an objective in mind for what successful parenting is and will yield in your child’s life?
  • Have you created an environment that generates feelings of safety, security, belongingness, self-confidence and strength for the child or children in your charge?
  • Is your family nurturing your child’s individuality and acting to ensure that he or she will become the unique and authentic person God intended?