BEST ADVICE TO THEIR YOUNGER SELVES from Mel Robbins expert on Leadership & Defeating Doubt, Award-Winning CNN Commentator, and Bestselling Author of The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage.
From an article by Hazel Cills titled How to Win Any Argument
“don’t try to outscore your opponent,” … “Try instead to get your way.”
“Your goal isn’t to make them feel mad, dumb, or smart—it’s to help them absorb and understand your point. Keep your eye on that ball.”
From an article in Harvard Business Review titled How Resilience Works
“More than education, more than experience, more than training, a person’s level of resilience will determine who succeeds and who fails. That’s true in the cancer ward, it’s true in the Olympics, and it’s true in the boardroom.”
From an article titled The Lost Art of Quitting …
We’ve been taught that quitting means failure. But we neglect to add the very important caveat to that statement, which is that there are two types of quitting: Quitting things that matter, and quitting things that don’t. Because we’ve had it so drilled into our minds that quitting is bad, we don’t tend to make that distinction, and instead, don’t quit anything. We persevere through the things that matter, as well as the things that don’t. And we use a hell of a lot of energy in the process, all in the name of fear of failure. After all, we wouldn’t want to be a quitter, would we? It’s almost like being called a vulgar profanity.
We persevere to save face. We persevere to avoid looking like a failure. We persevere to prove ourselves to others. We persevere so we don’t feel like all the time we spent up until that point was a waste.
And all of those reasons are bullshit reasons that are centered around pride.
The only reason we should ever persevere is when it matters. And when does it matter? When it contributes to your big picture goals. Anything else is a waste of your time, and not quitting is extremely counterproductive. In that case, quitting is the most intelligent move you could make. It’s acknowledging that–hey–I can’t do everything.
From an article by Ashley Fern titled The Types Of People You Need To Cut Out Of Your Life In Order To Be Happy
Nothing changes until we do; we cannot expect the situations around us to alter if our personal behaviors do not change. You must take responsibility for your demeanor and if it means distancing yourself from negative people, then so be it. You need to look out for yourself because when it comes down to it all, you only have yourself to blame for your failures and your triumphs.
These are the types of people you need to be wary of in life:
If this person was ever happy or in a good mood, chances are he or she was severely intoxicated. Negative Nancy is that person who literally has the mentality of that angry old neighbor who complains 24/7. These people never bring anything positive into conversation or any social gathering. They constantly complain about every little thing, yet cannot propose any better, alternate plan.
This is perhaps one of the worst kinds of people you could ever surround yourself with. Instead of being free and comfortable to act like the real you, you need to monitor your behavior, as this person is closely watching your every move. What kind of friend is this anyway if you cannot even be yourself around him or her? It is one thing to offer advice on certain behaviors, but it is quite another never to feel truly comfortable around your friend.
This person will take, take and take while bringing absolutely nothing of value to the relationship. It takes two sides to have a great friendship, so if you think you are the one doing all of the work, it may be time to reevaluate your situation. It can be exhausting, frustrating and just downright hurtful if you are always the one making the effort, but as soon as you need something, this person is nowhere in sight.
These people will do whatever they possibly can to get whatever they want out of any given situation. They have one priority in life and that is themselves. Actively try to disengage yourself from their manipulation, as failing to do so will only fuel their fire. As soon as you stop responding, the better off you will be.
The Unsupportive One
A good friend is someone who will support you in all of your endeavors even if he or she does not agree with you. Life is about making mistakes and learning from them so even if your venture does fail, you take that lesson with you into the future. Recognize where you went wrong and what you could’ve done to prevent such an error. The next time you try, at least you know which ways to alter your behavior. Don’t waste your time surrounded by people who don’t want to see you succeed or tear down your hopes and dreams whenever they have the opportunity.
From an article titled Benefit Of The Doubt (Dr. Phil) …
“The world has changed, so the rules have to change right along with it…
There’s something we’ve been taught that just doesn’t hold anymore. What my parents taught me, what your parents taught you, just doesn’t work anymore; at least not like it once did… benefit of the doubt. We teach people that it’s a good thing to do, that it’s the Christian thing to do; it’s the positive thing to do to give our fellow man the benefit of the doubt. Why would you do that? Why would you give somebody you don’t know the benefit of the doubt? If we said “Ok, here’s what I want you to do… go out in your life and JUDGE everybody negatively” you’d go “I’m not going to do that”. Then WHY would you go out and judge them POSITIVELY?
How about we don’t do either?
How about we don’t give people the benefit of the doubt?
How about we just collect information and make an INFORMED decision in our lives instead of giving people the benefit of the doubt?”
This advice was taken from a graduation speech by David Brooks, journalist from the NY Times …
“You will confront this problem: Is this the person I want to marry?
This is the most important decision you will face in your life. If you have a great career and a bad marriage, you will be miserable. If you have a great marriage and a bad career you will be joyful.
I tell every college president I can that they should compel every student to major in marriage. Students should be compelled to take courses in the psychology of marriage, the literature of marriage, the neuroscience of marriage, the history of marriage.”