Life

“Think hard about who you marry. It’s the most important decision you will ever make. Devote yourself to your kids. Nothing else is guaranteed to make you happy”

damalloy1 Comment

This advice was taken from a graduation speech by David Brooks, journalist from the NY Times to the at Rice University graduation class …

“Over the years, we all pick up good advice. Spend a year abroad. It’s bound to change your life. Think hard about who you marry. It’s the most important decision you will ever make. Devote yourself to your kids. Nothing else is guaranteed to make you happy. The only thing I’d add is, create a posse of dead people. Create an entourage of heroes. Put their pictures on your wall, and keep them in your mind.

They will remind you of your place in the hidden river of wisdom. They’ll serve as models. They’ll give you an honest perspective on how you’re doing. They’ll remind you that your blessings don’t come from you but from those who came before you.”

Live off your parents as long as possible.

damalloyLeave a comment

Guy Kawasaki is a Silicon Valley venture capitalist. He was one of the Apple employees originally responsible for marketing the Macintosh in 1984. Guy’s advice …

“Remember these ten things: if just one of them helps you, this speech will have been a success:

10. Live off your parents as long as possible.
9. Pursue joy, not happiness.
8. Challenge the known and embrace the unknown.
7. Learn to speak a foreign language, play a musical instrument, and play non-contact sports.
6. Continue to learn.
5. Learn to like yourself or change yourself until you can like yourself.
4. Don’t get married too soon.
3. Play to win and win to play.
2. Obey the absolutes.
1. Enjoy your family and friends before they are gone.”

Link to speech Guy has given six times at commencements, graduations and baccalaureates.

Parent the child you have, not the one you wished for

damalloy1 Comment

I came across this quote in an interesting post Parent The Child You Have at http://warriormummy.wordpress.com. It reminded me of a few quotes from Dr Phil’s book Family First …

“One of my goals as a parent was to help my children achieve their own goals while pursuing their own passions.”

“Authenticity is fostered when you set goals suited to the youngster’s interests, abilities, and talents.”

“One of the great responsibilities you have as a parent – and one of the greatest gifts you can give your children – is to teach them to develop their gifts fully and to build their lives around whatever it is that fulfills them.”

“If you want to play a game, go to where it’s played and find a way to get in. Things happen when you get in the game.”

damalloy1 Comment

The full quote from Chris Mathews speech to the 2006 graduating class of Fordham University …

“Today’s Rule One: Get Yourself In The Game!

Ever watch a little kid standing alone courtside while the big kids play basketball? When a ball goes out of bounds, he runs for it and passes it back in. And as time goes on, when an older kid has to get home for dinner, somebody yells, “Hey punk, wanna play?”

That’s the heart of it there: If you want to play a game, go to where it’s played and find a way to get in.

Things happen when you get in the game”

“Sometimes quitting is strategic, and sometimes it can be your best possible plan”

damalloyLeave a comment

From the a podcast titled “The Upside of Quitting” on Freakononmics.com …

“To help us understand quitting, we look at a couple of key economic concepts in this episode: sunk cost and opportunity cost. Sunk cost is about the past – it’s the time or money or sweat equity you’ve put into a job or relationship or a project, and which makes quitting hard. Opportunity cost is about the future. It means that for every hour or dollar you spend on one thing, you’re giving up the opportunity to spend that hour or dollar on something else – something that might make your life better. If only you weren’t so worried about the sunk cost. If only you could …. quit.”

“Be polite, don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.

damalloy1 Comment

From a post titled 60 Ways To Make Life Simple Again …

1. Don’t try to read other people’s minds. Don’t make other people try to read yours. Communicate.
2. Be polite, but don’t try to be friends with everyone around you. Instead, spend time nurturing your relationships with the people who matter most to you.
9. Surround yourself with people who fill your gaps. Let them do the stuff they’re better at so you can do the stuff you’re better at.
44. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven, and likeminded.
60. Make mistakes, learn from them, laugh about them, and move along.

‘If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?’ And whenever the answer has been “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

damalloyLeave a comment

From a commencement address delivered by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, on June 12, 2005 …

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

“Do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it”

damalloyLeave a comment

From a post titled The best advice I ever received by Bob Borson …

“This has everything to do with you making someone elses life easier. You manage to do that on a consistent basis, people come to rely on you and know that you can be counted on. Eventually, you move beyond being the first choice and become the only choice.

The caveat to this advice is if you can’t follow through, you need to let someone know the instant you realize it.”

“You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”

damalloyLeave a comment

From Dr. Phil’s book titled Life Strategies …

“Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn’t working in your life. Stop making excuses and start making results.

If you’re unwilling to acknowledge a thought, circumstance, problem, condition, behavior, or emotion–if you won’t take ownership of your role in a situation–then you cannot and will not change it.”

“Arguing Is Pointless”

damalloy1 Comment

From Peter Bregman of the Havard Business Review Blog Network titled Arguing Is Pointless …

“Think about it. You and someone have an opposing view and you argue. You pretend to listen to what she’s saying but what you’re really doing is thinking about the weakness in her argument so you can disprove it. Or perhaps, if she’s debunked a previous point, you’re thinking of new counter-arguments. Or, maybe, you’ve made it personal: it’s not just her argument that’s the problem. It’s her. And everyone who agrees with her.

In some rare cases, you might think the argument has merit. What then? Do you change your mind? Probably not. Instead, you make a mental note that you need to investigate the issue more to uncover the right argument to prove the person wrong.”

“Life’s two most important questions are “Why?” and “Why not?” The trick is knowing which one to ask”

damalloyLeave a comment

From a post titled The Best Advice Ever   …

Understanding why we do certain things is the first step to change. Until we understand what motivates us, what we get from doing a particular behavior, there is no momentum to begin the change process. Likewise, by asking “Why not?” we begin assessing the risk versus reward aspect which can lead to bringing about productive change in our lives.

“Contrary to popular belief, praising children’s intelligence did not give them confidence and did not make them learn better.”

damalloyLeave a comment

The advice comes Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation at Stanford University from an article How Not to Talk to Your Kids written by Po Bronson and appeared in New York Magazine. 

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

The quote below are from Carol Dweck in an article that appeared on Good Morning America titled Why Praise Can Be Bad for Kids …

“Dweck found that children’s performance worsens if they always hear how smart they are. Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.”

“Choose your battles wisely”

damalloyLeave a comment

From an article at SixWise.com called How to Most Effectively Pick Your Battles …

We’re all given a finite amount of time in a day, and it’s up to each of us to determine how to spend it. In relationships (with kids, with a spouse, and so on), we’re faced with many conflicts everyday, and you may be tempted to fight through each of these conflicts, to ensure you get your way, to prove that you’re “right,” or maybe just because you feel challenged. But most experts agree: choosing your battles wisely is a much better way of life than battling out every disagreement.

Although they may seem important at the time, most battles are NOT worth fighting.

According to Dr. Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and It’s All Small Stuff, “Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion.”

It’s up to us to choose to either make a big deal or simply let it go, and, according to Dr. Carlson, if you learn to choose your battles wisely, you’ll be far more effective in winning those battles that truly are important to you.

“Have you created an environment that generates feelings of safety, security, belongingness, self-confidence and strength for the child or children in your charge?”

damalloyLeave a comment

 Questions for parents from Dr Phil’s book Family First …

  • Are you creating a family environment that brings out the best in your child?
  • Do you have the skills necessary to give your child his or her best chance at succeeding in this world?
  • Do you have a plan and an objective in mind for what successful parenting is and will yield in your child’s life?
  • Have you created an environment that generates feelings of safety, security, belongingness, self-confidence and strength for the child or children in your charge?
  • Is your family nurturing your child’s individuality and acting to ensure that he or she will become the unique and authentic person God intended?

“You don’t have to be smart, you just have to know who to copy”

damalloy1 Comment

A quote from Laura Karet, an executive from Giant Eagle supermarket chain on CNBC’s documentary Supermarkets Inc: Inside a $500 Billion Money Machine Laura Karet

“We’re very fond of the term ‘search and reapply’. And actually something my grandfather used to say … you don’t have to be smart, you just have to know who to copy.”

“It is better to be alone than in the wrong company”

damalloy1 Comment

I’ve seen this article It Is Better To Be Alone Than In The Wrong Company on several sites but I haven’t identified the source …

“Tell me who your best friends are and I will tell you who you are. If you run with wolves, you will learn how to howl. But if you associate with eagles, you will learn how to soar to great heights. A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.

The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate for the good and the bad. The less you associate with some people, the more your life will improve. Any time you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity.

An important attribute in successful people is their impatience with negative thinking and negative acting people.”

“Today is the only guarantee you get”

damalloyLeave a comment

Villanova Commencement Address by Pulitzer Prize Winner Anna Quindlen …

“Get a life. Pick up the phone. Send an e-mail. Write a letter. Kiss your Mom. Hug your Dad. Get a life in which you are generous. Look around at the azaleas in the suburban neighborhood where you grew up; look at a full moon hanging silver in a black, black sky on a cold night. And realize that life is the best thing ever, and that you have no business taking it for granted.

I learned to live many years ago. Something really, really bad happened to me, something that changed my life in ways that, if I had my druthers, it would never have been changed at all. And what I learned from it is what, today, seems to be the hardest lesson of all. I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that it is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. I learned to look at all the good in the world and to try to give some of it back because I believed in it completely and utterly. And I tried to do that, in part, by telling others what I had learned. By telling them this:

Consider the lilies of the field. Look at the fuzz on a baby’s ear. Read in the backyard with the sun on your face. Learn to be happy. And think of life as a terminal illness because if you do you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived. Just keep your eyes and ears open, the classroom is everywhere. The exam comes at the very end. No man ever said on his deathbed, I wish I had spent more time at the office.”

“Focus on those things you do better than others”

damalloyLeave a comment

Advice is from Peter G. Peterson, Co-founder and Senior Chairman, Blackstone Group …

“Focus on those things you do better than others. That has been enormously helpful in defining our business strategies. For example, when we [Peterson and co-founder Steve Schwarzman] were setting up the Blackstone Group in 1985, many argued that Blackstone should invest in hostile LBO transactions. We felt that our advantage was that we were on friendly terms with many American CEOs and boards. So we took the contrarian position. We would only do strictly friendly investments. As a result, so-called corporate partnerships have become a major foundation – and a very profitable contribution – to our business.”

“I want my kids to know and feel they are loved for who they are, that I am proud of them and that I will always be there for them”

damalloyLeave a comment

A must read for all parents, from Dr. Phil’s book Family First …

“I want and claim the right for my children to feel appreciated and valued by me and by everyone in our family. I do not want them to ever feel alone or doubt their place in a loving and committed family.

 I want my kids to know and feel they are loved for who they are, that I am proud of them and that I will always be there for them. I may not endorse everything they do, but I will never reject them. If any member of this family feels like their contributions are not being recognized or acknowledged by others in the family, thats not okay-not now, not ever.”

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”

damalloy2 Comments

From the book 7 Keys to Success by Will Edwards …

” … we need to notice what is working and what is not; and be prepared to change our approach in order to get what we want – that is the essence of flexibility.

A wise person once said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. That is a wonderfully true statement – in other words, if you continue doing exactly what you are now doing, then don’t be surprised when you don’t see any increase or change in your results.”

“My mom always told me to walk into a place as if I owned it”

damalloyLeave a comment

From a wonderful article at WomansHealth titled Mother Knows Best: 10 Tips from Mom …

“My mom always told me to walk into a place as if I owned it. By that she meant to walk in with your head up and high (with) confidence. I find that’s been excellent advice. If you act as if you’re not worthy (of the job, the man, the respect), others will prey on that. But if you act as if you’re really something, that attitude will be contagious and others will respond accordingly!”

—brendacollins    

“Life is not fair – get used to it”

damalloyLeave a comment

Uplifting post from Lori Deschene titled 10 Reasons It’s Awesome Life’s Not Fair

“You may say life’s not fair—and I think you’d be right. But how does it serve us to dwell on that idea? Who benefits when we indulge bitterness, frustration, or anger? Or perhaps a better question is: who suffers?

I say we see we take this unavoidable truth and appreciate it for the possibilities it provides. Life isn’t fair, but that’s awesome because:

9. It encourages you to ask yourself the question: “Do I want to be a victim?” Every day we have countless opportunities to blame other people for situations in our lives. We can curse everyone from the mailman to the president for somehow screwing up our day. Or we can commit to taking responsibility for our future, and learn to repeatedly assess how we can accept and improve our life.

8. It reminds to appreciate what you have when you have it. It’s a harsh reality that you can lose anything at any time. Your boss could lay you off after a decade of loyal service; your husband could walk out the door even though you’ve been a faithful, loving wife. This tells me we need to cherish what we have at all times. And really, any reality that forces you to be present and grateful is a gift.

2. It allows you to experience really interesting situations (by Dani of Positively Present). Imagine if everything always went smoothly. You got everything you wanted, never struggled or dealt with hardships. Wouldn’t life be pretty boring? The “unfairness” we perceive in the world pushes us into unknown territory which makes everything more exciting, and gives us opportunities to stretch ourselves.”

Link to all 10 reasons

“…wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you”

damalloy2 Comments

I found this quote on the site thinkexist …

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you…. The one who turns to his friends and says, that’s her.”

“You don’t know as much as you think you do. BUT you are capable of more than you can possibly imagine”

damalloyLeave a comment

Advice is from Michael Hyatt to the Owen Graduate School of Management students and an inspiring response by Lindsey Nobles…

“What I love about these two simple sentences is that they get to the heart of the two things that have the ability to limit my success in life, and in leadership.

Pride And Fear.

I NEED to be reminded that I don’t know as much as I think I know. I need to approach my days with humility. I need to learn the art of listening with an open heart, and an open mind. And I NEED to be reminded that I am capable of more than I can would ever dare to imagine.

My fear limits my possibilities, my dreams, and my faith.”

“If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging”

damalloyLeave a comment

From the web site Paul’s Tips…

“In many cases it’s true that you shouldn’t give up too early. But at the same time, it’s a wise person who realizes when their efforts are futile.

The idea that those who keep sailing ahead despite all odds and “damn the torpedoes” are the most successful is a seductive one, and it has a certain element of truth to it. But at the same time, successful people also know when the best path is to quit. It’s simply not true that being a “quitter” is synonymous with being a “loser” in every single case. It’s time that myth was shattered.”

“the most important decisions you make are not the things you do, but the things you decide not to do”

damalloyLeave a comment

John Sculley, Apple’s former CEO talks about the “Steve Jobs methodology”…

“What makes Steve’s methodology different from everyone else’s is that he always believed the most important decisions you make are not the things you do, but the things you decide not to do.”

“If you don’t ask, you don’t get.”

damalloy1 Comment

From a post titled Is there something you want? Why not ask for it

“One of the big differences that I’ve noticed between those who get what they want and those who don’t comes down to one simple behavior – whether they’re willing to ask for it.

Having the courage to ask for what you want can help decide whether you’ll have a successful life or not.

Whether it’s for a date, a raise, a new job, a friendship or simply a discount on something you buy – asking for what you want is a very powerful thing.”

“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of better or good enough”

damalloyLeave a comment

Quote by Voltaire. Its been said that life sometimes is more pass-fail than about scoring the highest grade. As Grethen Rubin writes in her article When “Good Enough” Is Better Than Perfect …

“In some situations, the happier course is to know when good enough is good enough and not to worry about perfection or making the perfect choice.”

“The hardest thing to do is to start”

damalloy1 Comment

Simple and concise advice from Rebecca …

“Which is to say, nearly every task seems more difficult in anticipation than execution. Discipline is easy once you have momentum. Going to the gym is hard when you have to plan on going to the gym, and easy when it is simply what you always do on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Make a habit of doing rather than not doing.”

See the ten things that keep us from getting started at a post titled Whats Stopping you from Getting Started by Dustin Wax.

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for”

damalloyLeave a comment

Maureen Dowd is credited with this quote. Informative article written by Rachelle Disbennett-Lee, PhD titled Don’t Settle …

“Settling is about not embracing what is best for you, and accepting what you really don’t want. When you settle, you accept less than you deserve. Settling becomes a habit and a way of life, but it doesn’t have to be.

People settle every day in every way. They settle for unsatisfying jobs, boring lives, and stale relationships. People settle in part because they don’t realize they can have better, or even that they deserve better. People also settle because of fear. Fear holds us back from embracing what we really want. According to Bo Bennett, “Every day, people settle for less than they deserve. They are only partially living, or at best living a partial life. Every human being has the potential for greatness.”

The only way to truly embrace your greatness is to stop settling. You have to stop settling for a job that isn’t challenging, a life that isn’t fulfilling, and relationships that are uninspiring. Life is way too short to settle.”

read more …

“You can be happy or you can be right. Pick one”

damalloy2 Comments

Must read advice for any husband. From a post titled Happiness Factor: Being Right Instead Of Happy …

“Giving up the need to be right is one of the first steps I believe that anyone needs to take to find the happiness that is inside you. This does not mean you agree with everything that anybody says but you accept someone’s opinion as that and if you feel it necessary to share your opinion you may consider doing it in a way that stresses that you are just looking to discuss, and not convert.”

“Take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back”

damalloy1 Comment

I can’t find the source of this quote but I’m still looking. Full quote …

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.

You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. Don’t be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.”

“Don’t let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in theirs”

damalloy7 Comments

From the 7 Golden Rules of Life. The 1st rule …

“Don’t let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life. Relationships work best when they are balanced.” 

The 4th rule …
“When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices.
Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Choice is yours.”

List of all 7 rules

“Avoiding family poverty requires three things: 1) finish high-school, 2) marry before having children and 3) marry after the age of 20”

damalloy1 Comment

Former Clinton domestic policy advisor Bill Galston … “avoiding family poverty requires three things:

  1. finish high-school,
  2. marry before having children and
  3. marry after the age of 20.

Only 8 percent of families who do this are poor, while 79 percent of those who fail to do this are poor.”

“To excel at something, immerse yourself”

damalloy2 Comments

From an informative post called 12 pieces of the best advice about money, life, and business …

“Dabbling in somethings doesn’t make you an expert. In order to become truly great at something, you have to live, breath, think, and dream it. Find every book you can read about the subject, start doing what they say, and teach others about it. You retain the highest percentage of what you learn when you share it with others.”

“And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance: I hope you dance”

damalloyLeave a comment

Lyrics to the song “I Hope You Dance” by Leann Womack …

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you’ll give fate a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they’re worth taking
Lovin’ might be a mistake
But it’s worth making
Don’t let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

“Don’t worry about the things you can’t control”

damalloyLeave a comment

I’m guessing I heard this advice many times in my life but it was only in the last 5 years I started adhering to it.

This advice has helped at many times in my life and particularly with dealing with my own mortality. I no longer spend hours laying in bed in a cold sweat worrying about death. It’s ok to care about the things you can’t control, but if you can’t change them, don’t waste energy obsessing over them.

“Love like you’ve never been hurt, Dance like no one’s watching, Sing like no-one’s listening, Live like there’s no tomorrow”

damalloy7 Comments

Again, there are many variations on this advice. We grouped these together because they all share a similar theme and tone.

This quote normally includes the phrase “Work like you don’t need the money”. Which sounds nice, but we don’t see the value of working like we don’t need the money? We like the positive message behind “Love like you’ve never been hurt”. The “Dance” & “Sing” parts are very similar and encourage stepping outside of our comfort zones. But the best piece of advice is “Live like there’s no tomorrow”.

“Find something you love doing and you’ll never work another day in your life.”

damalloyLeave a comment

There are a couple variations on this but this advice clearly makes our “Life’s Best Advice” top ten. We’re not sure whom to credit but “Confucius” seems to be a popular choice on the internet.

We also like this related quote from Steve Jobs of Apple Computer …

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”

And one more from Eric A. Raymond with a slightly different spin …

“You can not motivate the best people with money. Money is just a way to keep score. The best people in any field are motivated by passion.”

“It’s amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit”

damalloy2 Comments

This quote is commonly attributed to Ronald Reagan (appearently Reagan had a sign on his desk in the Oval Office with this advice) but our research suggests Harry S Truman deserves the credit.

We also like this related advice from Indira Gandhi …

“My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.”

Our take-away is … 1) focus on results and not recognition. 2) people around you are more likely to help you work toward your goals if they feel their efforts will be recognized in the end.