Parenting

Parent the child you have, not the one you wished for

damalloy1 Comment

I came across this quote in an interesting post Parent The Child You Have at http://warriormummy.wordpress.com. It reminded me of a few quotes from Dr Phil’s book Family First …

“One of my goals as a parent was to help my children achieve their own goals while pursuing their own passions.”

“Authenticity is fostered when you set goals suited to the youngster’s interests, abilities, and talents.”

“One of the great responsibilities you have as a parent – and one of the greatest gifts you can give your children – is to teach them to develop their gifts fully and to build their lives around whatever it is that fulfills them.”

“Let them know, in word and action, “I am behind you, I know you can do it!”

damalloyLeave a comment

Parenting advice by Dr. Lisa Chu  The many ways to say, “You CAN do it!” …

“I’m saying it so that you hear my belief in your spirit, in your ability to find it in yourself to do whatever it is you need to do, to take whatever time you need to, and to be wherever you are right now. I’ll be right here to witness you – to celebrate with you, and to catch you when you fall – as you learn to trust yourself.”

 

A post by Dr. Dave Currie titled Raising Confident and Secure Children …

“Build you kids up. Believe in them. Be their greatest fan. Let them know, in word and action, I am behind you, I know you can do it!”

 

From Dr. Michele Borba’s book The Big Book of Parenting Solutions … 

You might say, “I know you can do it. Hang in there.” Of course, when your son or daughter finds the task too difficult and quits, support them. Then help them recognize what they could do the next time so they do succeed.

“You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge”

damalloyLeave a comment

From Dr. Phil’s book titled Life Strategies …

“Get real with yourself about your life and everybody in it. Be truthful about what isn’t working in your life. Stop making excuses and start making results.

If you’re unwilling to acknowledge a thought, circumstance, problem, condition, behavior, or emotion–if you won’t take ownership of your role in a situation–then you cannot and will not change it.”

“Arguing Is Pointless”

damalloy1 Comment

From Peter Bregman of the Havard Business Review Blog Network titled Arguing Is Pointless …

“Think about it. You and someone have an opposing view and you argue. You pretend to listen to what she’s saying but what you’re really doing is thinking about the weakness in her argument so you can disprove it. Or perhaps, if she’s debunked a previous point, you’re thinking of new counter-arguments. Or, maybe, you’ve made it personal: it’s not just her argument that’s the problem. It’s her. And everyone who agrees with her.

In some rare cases, you might think the argument has merit. What then? Do you change your mind? Probably not. Instead, you make a mental note that you need to investigate the issue more to uncover the right argument to prove the person wrong.”

“Contrary to popular belief, praising children’s intelligence did not give them confidence and did not make them learn better.”

damalloyLeave a comment

The advice comes Carol S. Dweck, Ph.D., one of the world’s leading researchers in the field of motivation at Stanford University from an article How Not to Talk to Your Kids written by Po Bronson and appeared in New York Magazine. 

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

The quote below are from Carol Dweck in an article that appeared on Good Morning America titled Why Praise Can Be Bad for Kids …

“Dweck found that children’s performance worsens if they always hear how smart they are. Kids who get too much praise are less likely to take risks, are highly sensitive to failure and are more likely to give up when faced with a challenge.”

“Choose your battles wisely”

damalloyLeave a comment

From an article at SixWise.com called How to Most Effectively Pick Your Battles …

We’re all given a finite amount of time in a day, and it’s up to each of us to determine how to spend it. In relationships (with kids, with a spouse, and so on), we’re faced with many conflicts everyday, and you may be tempted to fight through each of these conflicts, to ensure you get your way, to prove that you’re “right,” or maybe just because you feel challenged. But most experts agree: choosing your battles wisely is a much better way of life than battling out every disagreement.

Although they may seem important at the time, most battles are NOT worth fighting.

According to Dr. Richard Carlson, author of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and It’s All Small Stuff, “Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon closer examination, aren’t really that big a deal. We focus on little problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion.”

It’s up to us to choose to either make a big deal or simply let it go, and, according to Dr. Carlson, if you learn to choose your battles wisely, you’ll be far more effective in winning those battles that truly are important to you.

“Have you created an environment that generates feelings of safety, security, belongingness, self-confidence and strength for the child or children in your charge?”

damalloyLeave a comment

 Questions for parents from Dr Phil’s book Family First …

  • Are you creating a family environment that brings out the best in your child?
  • Do you have the skills necessary to give your child his or her best chance at succeeding in this world?
  • Do you have a plan and an objective in mind for what successful parenting is and will yield in your child’s life?
  • Have you created an environment that generates feelings of safety, security, belongingness, self-confidence and strength for the child or children in your charge?
  • Is your family nurturing your child’s individuality and acting to ensure that he or she will become the unique and authentic person God intended?

“I want my kids to know and feel they are loved for who they are, that I am proud of them and that I will always be there for them”

damalloyLeave a comment

A must read for all parents, from Dr. Phil’s book Family First …

“I want and claim the right for my children to feel appreciated and valued by me and by everyone in our family. I do not want them to ever feel alone or doubt their place in a loving and committed family.

 I want my kids to know and feel they are loved for who they are, that I am proud of them and that I will always be there for them. I may not endorse everything they do, but I will never reject them. If any member of this family feels like their contributions are not being recognized or acknowledged by others in the family, thats not okay-not now, not ever.”

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”

damalloy2 Comments

From the book 7 Keys to Success by Will Edwards …

” … we need to notice what is working and what is not; and be prepared to change our approach in order to get what we want – that is the essence of flexibility.

A wise person once said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”. That is a wonderfully true statement – in other words, if you continue doing exactly what you are now doing, then don’t be surprised when you don’t see any increase or change in your results.”

“Start by waking up every morning and asking yourself: What can I do to make my family better? What can I do today to introduce something positive into my child’s lives?”

damalloy3 Comments

This advice comes from the book Family First by Dr. Phil. He goes on to say in a later chapter …

“My family can enjoy a closer, more connected life together, sharing strength, with each person feeilng affirmed and feeling uplifted in life-changing ways. Mine can be a family that attains new levels of caring, encouragement and acceptance. My family will have opportunities to reach for the best and have the best. And most important, we leave no one behind.”

“When you choose the behavior you choose the consequences”

damalloyLeave a comment

Often repeated quote by Dr. Phil. Interesting article by Linda Caillouet in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette Dr. Phil says choices change lives …

 McGraw told his audience that the choices people make directly affect the life changes they experience, saying, “When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences.” He then explained that the driving force behind the choices people make is something he calls personal truth.

“It’s what you believe about yourself when no one is looking or listening,” McGraw said. “We generate the results in this life that we believe we deserve.” So how can someone with an inadequate personal truth improve it? McGraw said that, instead of just “shuffling aimlessly through life,” individuals should look for and identify their Godgiven gifts and skills, develop passions and set personal goals and priorities.

“Children Learn What They Live”

damalloy1 Comment

The poem “Children Learn What They Live” by Dorothy Law Nolte and Rachel Harris …

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Copyright © 1972 by Dorothy Law Nolte

“Find something you love doing and you’ll never work another day in your life.”

damalloyLeave a comment

There are a couple variations on this but this advice clearly makes our “Life’s Best Advice” top ten. We’re not sure whom to credit but “Confucius” seems to be a popular choice on the internet.

We also like this related quote from Steve Jobs of Apple Computer …

“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.”

And one more from Eric A. Raymond with a slightly different spin …

“You can not motivate the best people with money. Money is just a way to keep score. The best people in any field are motivated by passion.”